To support children with ADHD well, it helps to see things from their point of view. Their actions are not meant to be misbehavior. Instead, they frequently have difficulty managing intense emotions and impulses. When caregivers and teachers try to understand their perspective, they can respond with empathy instead of frustration.
The following statements illustrate everyday experiences reported by children with ADHD:
1. “I Know I Shouldn’t, But I Can’t Help It.”
Many children with ADHD say they often feel like they can’t control what they do. Even when they want to follow the rules, they sometimes end up acting differently than they intend. This is because of how their brains work, not because they are being defiant. Struggling to meet expectations can make them feel guilty or ashamed.
2. “Making Decisions Feels Like a Tornado.”
Children with ADHD can find even simple choices overwhelming. Picking out clothes or deciding what to do first can leave them feeling stuck and upset. This frustration stems from challenges with executive functioning, not from a choice to act this way.
3. “I Get Embarrassed When I’m Different.”
While children with ADHD are frequently energetic and impulsive, they are often aware when their behavior differs from that of their peers. This awareness may lead to embarrassment or self-consciousness, particularly when others observe their differences. The inability to regulate their actions can negatively impact their confidence, and impatience and difficulties with regulating feelings are common among children with ADHD. Requests to wait, remain quiet, or transition between tasks may provoke frustration. Behaviors that appear to be anger frequently indicate internal distress and frustration that the child is unable to articulate. Articulate.
4. Why Understanding Matters
What might seem like ‘bad’ behavior is often a sign of a neurological condition that the child may not understand. Realizing that outbursts, restlessness, or impulsivity are symptoms—not choices—helps us move from blaming to offering the proper support.
The following strategies can aid in creating a safe and encouraging environment for children with ADHD:
- Educating parents, teachers, and caregivers about ADHD
- Responding with empathy and calm, even in difficult moments
- Helping children develop coping strategies without punishing them for behaviors they cannot control
Final Thoughts
Children with ADHD are not acting out on purpose. They want to do well, even when their environment doesn’t fit their needs. With understanding, guidance, and patience, caregivers and teachers can help these children build confidence, resilience, and the ability to thrive.
About the Author
Dr Hatem El-Emam is a GP with a special interest in ADHD and co-founder of ADHDX, a digital platform focused on education and compassionate care for individuals with ADHD. He is an advocate for early identification and management of ADHD, and firmly believes that with the correct understanding and proper support, ADHD energy and creativity can be turned into a strength.
References
(2021). Executive Functioning and Emotion Regulation in Children with and without ADHD. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 49(11), pp. 1791-1802. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-021-01804-0
(2010). Executive dysfunction in school-age children with ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders 14(6), pp. 467-474. https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054708326234
(2018). How do children with and without ADHD talk about frustration?: Use of a novel emotion narrative recall task. Emotion 18(2), pp. 295-305. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000303